Building on Level Ground: Fairness, Favoritism, and the Foundations We Create

I’ve been thinking a lot about fairness and imbalance. It shows up in our workplaces, in our families, and in other systems that amplify divides. Whether it’s supervisors and their favorite employees, relatives and their favorite loved ones, or leaders who unintentionally create tiers of access, favoritism has a way of shifting the ground we stand on. 

Watching others get promoted ahead of you, earn more, or receive better treatment can make you question your worth. It can make you wonder whether you’re good enough, whether you belong, or whether the effort you’re putting in is even seen. Being overlooked, especially when you’re qualified, builds resentment, not just toward the people receiving the preferential treatment, but toward the system that allowed the imbalance in the first place. 

Good builders know better. They understand that the strongest structures begin with level ground and solid foundations that promote balance for everyone. When the land is uneven, the building leans. And when relationships or systems tilt in favor of a select few, the people standing on the lower end feel it deeply.

How Imbalance Shows Up

Favoritism can show up through everyday interactions. Here are a few examples that come to mind:

• People go out of their way to be nice, overly loyal, or constantly available, hoping to stay on someone’s “good side.”

• A supervisor consistently asks one group for input first, spends more time with them, or gives them first access to opportunities.

• To avoid accountability, someone thinks, “They’re really nice to me. I don’t want to upset them.” This allows feedback to become selective and removes objectivity.

• One child gets more leniency, more gifts, more time, or more praise, while another gets stricter rules or fewer chances.

• Certain friends receive more grace, more invitations, or more emotional support than others.

These patterns create an unfair system, where relationships, not fairness, determine outcomes.

The Two Sides of Favoritism

It’s easy to recognize imbalance when we’re on the unfavored side. It feels frustrating, discouraging, and sometimes personal. But the flipside is worth examining too.

What about when we are on the receiving end of preferential treatment? 

• Do we acknowledge it?

• Do we advocate for others to be treated as well as we are?

• Do we speak up when the imbalance benefits us?

Would an older child ever say to their parents, “You let me stay out past curfew. Why are you stricter with my siblings?” Would a player tell their coach, “You always call on me. Let’s give others a chance”?

These moments reveal character. They also reveal whether we’re committed to equity or simply comfortable with advantage.

Why Imbalance Becomes a Problem

Imbalance doesn’t stay contained. It spreads. Uneven foundations create conflict, toxicity, division, and reduced accountability. 

Conflict causes people to argue, withdraw, or compete for attention while toxicity allows resentment to build and trust to erode. Division leads to groups forming, sides being chosen and culture suffering. Reduced accountability forces some people to be held to higher standards while others are excused. Does this sound familiar?

Just like a leaning structure, relationships and organizations built on uneven ground eventually show cracks.

Equity vs. Equality: Leveling the Ground

Fairness isn’t about treating everyone exactly the same. It’s about ensuring everyone has what they need to stand on level ground.

Examples of balanced building include:

• Spending the same amount on each child, or providing alternative supports when needs differ.

• Creating systems that work for all employees, not just the favored few.

• Ensuring time, attention, and leadership roles are distributed fairly.

• Not promoting close friends over others. Not excusing loved ones from accountability.

Equity removes barriers. Equality ensures access. Together, they create balance.

A Challenge for All of Us

Reflect on your relationships at school, home, work, and the community and ask:

• Where is there balance?

• Where are people being treated the same? Where are they not?

• What side are you on?

• Are you being treated, or treating others, with fairness?

Good builders don’t ignore uneven ground. They correct it. They reinforce it. They make sure the structure stands strong for everyone who enters.

The best communities, families, and workplaces aren’t built on favoritism. They’re built on level foundations, where every person has the chance to stand tall.

MySelf Builder Digital Workshop is a personal development and student enrichment platform offering coaching, mentoring, and digital workshops designed to help individuals become the best version of themselves. Visit myselfbuilder.com for more information.